


No going back

by iamtheenemy (Steph)



Series: Coda series [3]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Post-Episode Season 4 Episode 7: The Barbecue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph/pseuds/iamtheenemy
Summary: “Have you told your family?” Rachel asked.He shook his head. “Not yet.”“You need to, Patrick.”





	No going back

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story in this series from Patrick's point of view. I wanted to see him interacting with Rachel and how that would go. David is a strong presence throughout the story, since he's constantly on Patrick's mind, but he doesn't appear.

“So, you’re here,” Patrick said.

“You’re _here_ ,” Rachel responded.

The two of them were sitting in Rachel’s car in the parking lot. Patrick could smell the burgers that they’d made earlier. It was only an hour ago, but it felt like another lifetime.

“I am,” he said.

“Patrick --” she began.

“I’m gay,” he said in a rush, ripping off the Band-Aid.

Rachel sucked in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah, I kind of put that together.” There was silence for a moment, and then Rachel bowed her head and covered her eyes. Her shoulders began to shake as she started to cry.

Patrick grimaced, feeling his stomach drop, and he reached a hand out to try and comfort her, but she brushed him away.

“Don’t,” she said. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and looked back up at him. “I just...we were together for over a decade, Patrick. I wanted to marry you. I _want_ to marry you.”

“I know,” he answered quietly.

“And the whole time…”

“I knew something wasn’t…” He thought back to what he told David. “I knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t figure out what it was because I _love_ you, Rach.” Her breath hitched again, but he kept going. “I love you, and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy. We were great together, you’re amazing. But then I came here, and I realized that _this_ is it. This is why.”

“Have you told your family?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“You need to, Patrick.” Rachel had grown close with his family over the years, especially with his two sisters.

“I know,” he answered.

“Are you happy here? With that guy?” she asked. “What’s his name?”

“Uh, David,” he said. “And yeah, I...I was happy, Rach.”

She grinned wryly. “Until I came and messed everything up.”

“No,” he said adamantly. “ _I_ messed up. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Why? It’s not like you cheated,” Rachel said. “We were...we were broken up.” Her voice cracked at the end.

“It’s complicated,” Patrick answered, then with more confidence than he felt at the moment, he added, “It’ll work out with him. It’ll be ok.”

“I’m glad. Because you’ll always be one of my best friends,” Rachel said. “I want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy too,” Patrick responded.

“Oh, I _really_ want me to be happy,” she said with a little grin. “Speaking of that, there is a cute guy at my gym that I think has been flirting with me.”

He ignored the faint tug of jealousy that brought out in him, because he _seriously_ didn’t have the right, and nudged her knee instead. “You should ask him out.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said. “Though now I’m sort of wondering if I’m reading it wrong and he’s gay too. Maybe that’s my type? First Lance Bass and now you.”

“I can’t believe you still haven’t gotten over Lance Bass,” Patrick replied.

“Loving him was a big part of my childhood, Patrick,” she answered and then her smile dimmed to something more bittersweet. “The guy from the gym won’t know that about me.”

“He will if you tell him,” Patrick answered and then reconsidered. “Or not. One of my main goals in life is to never let David find out about my emo pop punk phase.”

She giggled. “Your little mohawk!”

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Patrick was back in his room at Ray’s lying on the bed, his thoughts moving in a million different directions.

Rachel was right, he needed to tell his family. Not just because they deserved to know, but because David should feel like the person he was dating was proud to be with him. Patrick didn’t have all the information about David’s past relationships, but he got the impression that most of them weren’t great.

David deserved something great, and Patrick wanted to be the one to give it to him. He _knew_ he could be if he got another chance.

And aside from that, it was hurting Patrick not telling his family. They’d always been close, and keeping this secret about himself from them for the last six months was harder than he wanted to admit.

With that resolved in his mind, Patrick first called the local flower shop to have a bouquet sent to the motel the following morning.

Then he steeled himself by downing a beer and called his mom.

“Hi, honey,” his mother said when she answered.

“Hey, mom,” he replied. “How are you?”

“Good, good! How are you? How’s the store?” she asked.

“It’s good,” he replied, drumming his fingers on his knees. “How’s dad?”

“Oh, you know your father. Same as he ever was. He and Uncle Howard went fishing. They’ll be back soon.”

“That’s good,” Patrick said.

“Did you need something?” she asked.

“Uh, no,” he said, shutting his eyes in frustration. “Actually I did.”

“Is everything ok?” she asked.

“Everything’s fine,” he said.

Silence descended on them for several seconds before his mother said, “Patrick, is this about Rachel?”

Patrick jerked in surprise. “Rachel? How did you know about Rachel?”

“We talked last week, and she was asking about you. Did you two get back together again?”

“Uh, no,” Patrick said.

“But it _is_ about Rachel,” he mom surmised.

“Sort of,” he said. “Rachel drove down to see me. But...we’re not getting back together, mom. This is really it this time.”

“Alright,” she answered. “Any particular reason why?”

“Because…” He felt his heart start to pound in his chest and he rubbed a hand over it idly as he tried to gin up the courage to tell her. “I’m seeing someone else.”

“Oh!” she said. “Well, that’s nice. Who is she? What’s she like?”

Patrick winced. “That’s the thing, see. Um…” he trailed off.

“Patrick,” he mother said quietly after a moment. “Is it a man?”

Patrick gasped, throwing the hand not holding his phone down on the bed to keep himself steady. “Yeah, yes,” he answered, the shock making him honest. “How did you know that?”

“Patrick, I’m your mother,” she said gently. “I was there when you had a crush on that boy Toby from your rep baseball team all through elementary school.”

“I...Toby, what? I didn’t...” He thought back to the boy with dark, curly black hair, and the way that Patrick used to follow him around and always tried to get him to come play at his house. He felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. “Oh my god, I had a crush on Toby Holden.”

His mother laughed. “Patrick, did you really not know that?”

He shook his head. “No...I…”

“And what about the singer in that band you liked? What was their name -- Good Charlotte?” his mother asked.

Yeah, David could never, ever find out about that.

“But then you got to high school and started dating Rachel and that girl Julie from the grocery store for a while, so I thought it must be boys _and_ girls for you.”

Patrick breathed out through his nose, the relief of this finally being out in the open nearly overwhelming him.

“Patrick?” his mother asked over the line. “Patrick, honey, you know me and your father, your brothers and sisters, we don’t care, right?”

He closed his eyes against the sting of tears. Why was he afraid to do this? He took a moment to clear his throat before saying, “I know. But…I don’t think it’s both. For me. I think it’s just men. I think it’s always been just men.”

“Oh, Patrick,” his mother said, her voice full of sympathy. “Well. You’re still young. And you say you’re seeing someone new. Let me make another psychic mom guess. Is it that David who owns the shop you work at?”

“Yes,” he answered faintly.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” she said. “I feel like I know him already, with the way you talk about him.”

Patrick felt his face heat. Apparently he hadn’t been as subtle as he thought he’d been.

“I think you’ll like him,” he said. “Bri definitely will.” His youngest sister was a freshman in college, majoring in fashion design. She would _love_ David -- if Patrick ever got to introduce them. If he hadn’t permanently screwed everything up.

“You should bring him to the reunion in September,” his mother suggested.

“Yeah, maybe,” he said. Patrick didn’t know what was going to happen to them _tomorrow_ , never mind three months from now. But it was a nice idea. He thought about how badly David would freak out about meeting his family, and he cracked a smile for the first time since Rachel had walked around that corner. “Thanks, mom. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie,” she said.


End file.
